My Long Forgotten Life's Calling

Betcha only Keith will get this. Maybe he'd like to join me for some post chuckle Ham'NShots®?

Back with the Senryu. If it weren't for senryu, I'd have no content at all.

hortatory \HOR-tuh-tor-ee\,
adjective: Marked by strong urging; serving to encourage or incite; as, "a hortatory speech."

Hortatory Words
From The Basket
"Eat The Chocolate"

Safety Training

Oi. So I had to attend, solely for my own enjoyment, a nice training session of "Respirator Training 101: How To Keep Yo' Ass Breathing In A Hostile Environment" yesterday. I thought I would share my notes with the ones of you that visit my little corner of the internets. The knowledge I gleaned from the video that was shown is represented in BLUE.

• There are no doughnuts.
  
• I don't have a mask yet. Everyone else gets to rock their respirator masks for the next 30 minutes, but I have to stay bare.
• This video's soundtrack is AWESOME! It sounds like Beverly Hills Cop or something.
• Holy Shit! The host is Hot Lips from M*A*S*H!
• Do NOT perform autopsies
• TB = BAD
• Saranac Lake used to have a sanitorium...
• X-Ray techs are ALWAYS creepy, even in instructional material
• Drug Resistant TB = VERY BAD
• TB causes albinism, apparently
• Respirator masks are not chic. Marketing demographic?
• NIOSH - National Institute for Occupational Health and Safety.
  
• NIOSH - What I did to my sandwich at lunch
• The CGI dummy that's modeling the masks on this video has huge junk
• Seriously, that dummies massive bulge is disturbing me
• Really, it draws the eye in a bad way
• Surgical masks can give you TB
• Some nurses do still wear those funny hats
• Sudden change in weight can make your respirator ill-fitting. What happens if I go on a crack binge while the safety officer is out of town, I drop 40 lbs, and then I have to go into the TB suite? What happens if I go on a gravy binge while the safety officer is out of town, I gain 40 lbs, and then have to go into the TB suite? Who will make sure my mask fits then?
• Seriously, where are the doughnuts?
  

And you can take that to the bank, jerk.

From 70° F To Two Inches Of Snow

And ain't it grand. I'm taking the day off today, so's Cindy can go interviewificate for a job. Yes, it snowed, and it might snow more, and I would be miserable, but I'm getting over a pleasant little head cold that the baby gave me, so I wouldn't be able to get up to much anyway. Here's some pictures, for the express pleasure of your eyeballs.

Here we see Killer Kowalski taking on The Great Beanpole in a no-holds-barred couch match, for the belt. I think Killer might have won, either with an open hand slap to Beanpole's face, or a well timed knee to pills.

Same hat, this time backwards, and one of my vests. I'm thrilled that he's started to dress himself, but the things he chooses to wear are just a little "off."

I made the paper, which according to Peter, means I've "Made It" in this community. Of course, my name doesn't appear in the caption, so I'll be recognized as "That scruffy bastard on the rugby team" when I'm out buying some milk. Also, I have no scanner, so this is a picture, of a picture, that wasn't very clear to begin with. I look much more dashing in person.

No senryu, but the WOTD today was "cum," so write one for yourself. (Get your mind out of the gutter, it's a combiner, as in "with the kids, we have a living room-cum-pigsty.").

Hey There Muscley Arm

It's so hard to blog at the tail end of winter, what we call "The mud season" here in the great north woods. Not much going on - weather's not warm enough to go outside, but there's no snow on the ground to play with either. I've continued with the rugby, and other running, and my pain threshold has advanced so that I can almost walk without my cane again. Other than that...But just because I don't have much news, doesn't mean I won't waste much of your precious time.

Here's some pictures:

Spaghetti night at the Sells house.

We made Ethan cut his hair recently. My locks, for the time being, remain flowing.

Ethan, pre haircut, post bath tub stimulant use.


Ethan, post haircut, after the crank cleared his system.

Here's one mischief maker in action...

A new game; Doing a Dumb Donald impersonation; Going for a spin with a bud.

The dog's allowed inside most of the time now, and has become part of the family. Oh, and he likes to be vacuumed.

vacuuming the dog; Three beasts attack the dad; The patient hound.

Meal time, revisited.

Hat bowl, or bowl hat? The dog helps us clean up the mess.


Thoughtful? Bored? Testy? I don't remember.

Food, glorious food!

Mi caccia is focaccia.


A dish - spiced chicken over avocados, green and wax and lima beans, with some carrots and feta - that's de-lish!

Since Keith's started his Kapreviews site to share insights on movies and books (update moor often, dood), and I've seen some truly awful pieces of cinematic excrement lately (Okay, really, I enjoyed almost every minute of it!), I'll share some reviews of DVD's we've Netflixed lately. As if anyone cares. Hopefully one or two will be as amusing as they were when I thought this up, days ago, in the shower...

Mr. And Mrs. Smith: Pretty Person Shoot Out
The 40 Year Old Virgin: New Sayings For Barflys... (Previously "Get in my belly," "You were my boy, Blue;" We've all heard them repeated, ad nauseum)
The Beastmaster: Look For Midge's Boobies (Yes, Cindy thought this was funny...)
Zathura: Couldn't Get Zach Braff (Seriously, is that astronaut guy his twin? Not that they don't both irritate...)
The Exorcism of Emily Rose: Devil Voices Are Skeery
Conan The Destroyer: Poor Choice For Eunuch (What's the number - 3,000, right? And he's cast as a steer?)
The Sixth Sense: The. Crappiest. Ending. Evar!!!!!
The Fog: Superman Vs. Water Vapor
Corpse Bride: Boredom Set To Song
A History of Violence: Aragorn Breaks Some Heads
Signs: Poor Mel, Poor Me
The Brothers Grimm: German Peasants Speak Cockney?

In more enlightened news, I've recently begun reading East of Eden, and I must say, so far it's the best book I've ever read. Bar none. Of course, the only other book I've ever read is this.

And finally, even thought I think they might irritate, here's a senryu or two. And I've missed some great WOTD's too (Verdant, amalgam, dudgeon, paragon, aubade, succor, paterfamilias, stolid, metier, bellwether, confluence, superflous. Oh yeah.)

Word of the Day for Tuesday March 28, 2006

superfluous \soo-PUR-floo-uhs\, adjective:
More  than is wanted or is sufficient; rendered unnecessary by
superabundance; unnecessary; useless; excessive.

Kids And Work
Exercise, Home Improvement
Energy Is Not Superfluous

B Sells...Out!

Daily Bird Flu

Word of the Day for Thursday March 16, 2006 
megalomania \meg-uh-lo-MAY-nee-ah; -nyuh\, noun:
1. A mania for grandiose or extravagant things or actions.
2. A mental disorder characterized by delusions of grandeur.

Yee-Haw!

No To Megalomania
Yes To Quiet Satisfaction
And Humble Pleasantries

I used to love VH as a teenager - any red-blooded American teen
should have, even those that weren't born in the 80's.  So it
came as a shock to me when I saw a picture of Eddie Van Halen
in the news yesterday.  Childhood heroes, how they fall...

Two possible captions:
Eddie Van Halen's grandmother, age 93, is the picture of health for her age;
or,
Kids, don't take up smoking. Quit now. This could be you.

BTW.  The future is now, and boy don't it look neat!

And...Holy crap, sometimes things seem just a little too similar to be
random chance (I still won't go for the ID BS that's out there right
now, though.)

Pee Pee, Poo Poo

Word of the Day for Monday March 13, 2006

manse \MAN(T)S\, noun:
 1. A large and imposing residence.
 2. The  residence  of  a clergyman

Oh man, I can't even senryu that one without saying something inappropriate...

Word of the Day for Tuesday March 14, 2006  uxorious \uk-SOR-ee-us; ug-ZOR-\,
adjective:
Excessively fond of or submissive to a wife.

What!  Okay...

Uxurious Am I
We All Know
Who Wears The Pants

Word of the Day for Wednesday March 15, 2006 
Ides \YDZ\, plural noun:
In the ancient Roman calendar the fifteenth day of March, May,
July, and October, and the thirteenth day of the other months.  That doesn't even make sense.  

I Spend Ides
As Any Other Day
Hunched At Computer

In everyday news...I think I pulled an ass muscle at practice last night.  So now, along
with the normal aches and pains, I've got a huge knot in my left cheek...but that's not
why you've come here.  I'll flickr some new pictures of the squirts sometime soon. 

For some reason, blogger's not word wrapping.  Bothersome.

Jai Guru Deva Ohm

Hey, it was John Lennon's personal mantra for inner peace, so why shouldn't I use it? I just got a call from the wife - the gas company that claimed a year ago that none of the tanks at the house were theirs (thus they would have to replace them, for a fee, if we wanted our tanks filled) just came and took all of our propane tanks (they showed up a month ago claiming they were theirs, and said they'd be back in a week to deal with it - so much for staying on schedule); the other company that we contacted for gas service can't figure out if they'd replaced a tank last (this?) week, after they had to cancel doing it earlier (broken truck, supposedly). So, I'm going to go home at noon so Cindy, who's much better at dealing with this sort of thing than I (yay wife!) can have the car to go and break some heads. Jai guru deva ohm indeed...

In other news, after an eight year absence, I've decided to play rugby again, and went to my first practice last night. And boy howdy how I had forgotten that certain muscle groups still existed within my body. Hopefully it will get better the more I run...

Finally...Daily Senryu! And I'm excited for the word of the day today. I've liked today's word ever since I read The Lord of The Flies in sixth (or was it seventh or eighth?) grade.

ululate \UL-yuh-layt; YOOL-\, intransitive:

To howl, as a dog or a wolf; to wail; as, ululating jackals.

I Ululate Softly
East Coast Workmen
Never Do As Claimed

Because the gas service problems are REALLY typical of the attitude we've run into from people involved in labor jobs back here...We still haven't been able to get a roofer/contractor to come out and just give us an estimate! Even though they all say they'll be out on Friday...

Gaily Pinch Shoe

Word of the Day for Thursday March 9, 2006

contradistinction \kon-truh-dis-TINK-shuhn\, noun:
Distinction  by  contrast; as, "sculpture in contradistinction
to painting."

Married Brandon
Contradistinction To Silly
College Brandon

And, hopefully, a contradistinction for the better...

Word of the Day for Wednesday March 8, 2006
   perambulate \puh-RAM-byuh-layt\, intransitive verb:    1.  To walk about; to roam; to stroll; as, "he perambulated in    the park."     transitive verb:    1. To walk through or over.    2. To travel over for the purpose of surveying or inspecting.

In The Velocipede
We Perambulate For Miles
Finding Nothing

At least, that's what I would do if I had a velocipede...

Why does it change the fonts on me?

Weekly World Senryus

My sweet little 18 month old boy snapped one of the ear pieces off of my glasses on Saturday, so I'm sitting here slowly going crazy and clawing at my eyes and hating contact lenses right now. They make sense for some specific activities, but just drive me nuts in most respects. So that's fun.

At Bryan's prompting, we're making the small jump from Haiku to Senryu. Unfortunately, they both rhyme with "doo," so I have to continue using on-line rhyming dictionaries to come up with clever rhyming titles for posts. Yay. But I do like the "One long breath" writing clause mentioned in the Wikipedia post. So there you go.
("There you go" used as an affirmative is probably my single most hated phrase.)

countermand \KOWN-tuhr-mand; kown-tuhr-MAND\,    
   transitive verb: 
1. To  revoke  (a  former  command);  to cancel or rescind by    
  giving an order contrary to one previously given. 
2. To recall or order back by a contrary order.    
   noun:   
1. A contrary order.   
2. Revocation of a former order or command.

I'm The One
Who Always Follows
The Countermanded Order

Fin

Ashes To Ashes, Funk To Funky

Why don't you just read the last three day's WOTD haikus and stop bothering people?

Word of the Day for Friday March 3, 2006

dilettante \DIL-uh-tont; dil-uh-TONT; dil-uh-TON-tee; -TANT; -TAN-tee\,
noun:
1. An amateur or dabbler; especially, one who follows an art
or a branch of knowledge sporadically, superficially, or for
amusement only.
2. An admirer or lover of the fine arts.
adjective:
1. Of or characteristic of a dilettante; amateurish.

Am I Dilletante?
All This Science Stuff Can Vex
Keep Learning, Brandon

Word of the Day for Thursday March 2, 2006


largess \lar-ZHES; lar-JES; LAR-jes\, noun:
1. Generous giving (as of gifts or money), often accompanied
by condescension.
2. Gifts, money, or other valuables so given.
3. Generosity; liberality.

Ain't Got Much Largess
Lad, If I Did A Mansion
For Our Residence

A Japanese prose rewrite of an Elton John classic?

Word of the Day for Wednesday March 1, 2006

doula \DOO-luh\, noun:
A woman who assists during childbirth labor and provides
support to the mother, her child and the family after
childbirth.

No Doula Aided
When Connor Said Hello To Us
Gar Helped Instead

And looking back on it, it's a good thing we did have Gar for a doula...

Well, As It Turns Out, I'm Over Half Evil.

Anybody want to verify this for me with a comment about what a bastard I am?

You Are 64% Evil

You are very evil. And you're too evil to care. Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.

How Evil Are You?

Israeli Adieu

scion \SY-uhn\, noun:
1. A detached shoot or twig of a plant used for grafting.
2. Hence, a descendant; an heir.

In The Gonads
Is Where The Two Seeds Kick Me
Ah, Scions O' Mine

Yup. Have a kid (or two), learn the pain...

Ukulele Kowtow

posit \POZ-it\, transitive verb:
1. To assume as real or conceded.
2. To propose as an explanation; to suggest.
3. To dispose or set firmly or fixedly.

Drip Drip Drip Sniffle
Colds Are The Damnedest Of Things
Is What I Posit

This is really the YesterUkulele Kowtow, as there's been no new WOTD in my mailbox today, and I was busy enough with odds and ends yesterday that I didn't get to post. But today, I sort, so I blog.

And I've got an on again, off again cold. This morning I felt great, no I feel all achey and queasy. I'm sure I'll fell better this afternoon, and then be drippy and queasy for the drive home. One of the joys of school age kids is that they bring any and all illnesses home with them, but due to constant exposure seldom catch them themselves!

I Hope I'm Not A Nosy Dick When I Get Old

Ya know what I like? Shallots.

Because sometimes it's nice to have something different than garlic or onions to add a little flavor.

Ya know what I don't like? Creepy old men that won't mind their own business. And its always (only) the creepy old men that won't mind their own business.

Yeah, like this, only with a longer, nastier beard, two lazy eyes, fatter, and with a cane, oh, and a nasty flannel shirt...

Allow me to explain. I strapped on the boots to run to the store for some chicken. The dog, of course, is all excited to see that I'm getting ready to go outside so I decide - "What the hell?" - The store's only a block and a half away, and I'm just running in for some chicken, so even though it's wintry outside, I'll bring him along. So there I am, checking out at the store after app. 5-10 minutes inside, when some nasty old bastard comes barging in and asking about the dog outside. So I step up and tell him it's my dog, to which he shouts at me "How would you like it if I tied you up and made you sit in salt water." (Yeah, I don't really understand the saltwater part either).

So, at this point, I've got many things running through my mind to retort with, here's a few examples:

• Why don't you mind your own business?
• How would YOU like it if I shoved that cane up your ass.
• Why don't you just "f" off?

Oh, but common sense prevailed, and all I could think is "Dammit, I live in a small town and I don't really want a reputation or to get banned from the only grocery store in town." So I shoved past him and growled something about "Thanks for the lesson, pal." He, of course, mumbled something to me about being lucky he was a cripple or somesuch. As if being an old fattass would have helped him in the sport of fisticuffs with a spry young lad such as myself. I get outside and see about three mongoloid children crowding around my dog (who gets pretty shy around strangers) the oldest of whom says something about "go get momma" when I tell them to get away from my dog (he seemed to be attempting to take the leash off Cooper at the moment). So I got to walk home fuming at small town assholes that won't mind their own business.

But seriously, why do the creepy old men always gotta butt in? It happened in Placid about a year ago - some creepy old bastard follows us just to critique my driving. Now, if it's 90 out and the dogs locked in the car with the windows up, or is 30 below and you notice a dog tied up outside for an extended amount of time, by all means. Help the poor animal out. If you're driving like a complete dick, weaving in and out, speeding..Okay. But WTF? I try my hardest NOT to be an asshole, why do I always get hassled? Stupid small town feebs...

Am I in the wrong here? I was just trying to make my dog happy...

Daily Pacu

munificent \myoo-NIF-i-suhnt\, adjective:
Very liberal in giving or bestowing; very generous; lavish.

Munificent Has
Dictionary Dot Com Been
With Four Syllables

Has anyone else noticed the abundance of four syllable words in WOTD?

I think I'm going to build one of these for the cat. I'll play it at the local PETA talent show. I'll take some pictures of it with this if I do.

Here's some good advice on a common household problem.

Word.