The Only Funny Thing That MAD TV Has Ever Done

Ragin' Rudolph

Connor Sings!

Hmmmmmm...Lame?

I loved this cartoon as a kid. I can admire the talent that went in to making this, and yet...It still has to be one of the single lamest things that I have ever seen.

Wanna Buy Some Slacks?

Who would buy these pants after seeing an add like this? "Buy our slacks, sniff your own butthole." I can't assume that pose outside of a suit, although I suppose you might have reason too(!?). But in a suit? It makes no sense, no damn sense at all.

Eff You, Meth-Heads

I've got a head-cold/sinus infection right now that feels like someone filled my sinus cavities up with Elmer's glue and it's slowly setting up, making some pressure, destroying my manly speaking voice, and causing me to wake up several times over the course of the night so that I can swish water around in my mouth and hope that my tongue hasn't really dried out and fallen off. Remember the good old days when you could walk into a pharmacy and pick up some Nyquil or those little red pills, both of which were chalk-full of pseudoephedrine, and because of that they actually freaking worked? Not so anymore. Now the only thing Nyquil has going for it is that nice slow burn on the way down that does temporarily relieve the suffering but doesn't do the stuff that it used to. All thanks to the toothless wonders in search of a cheap and (apparently) shitty buzz. Great. I wish I could go sit in a hotspring like these guys.
Here's some Buckethead.

Too Much Awesome...

...For one song to contain by itself.

GuyzNite - "Die Hard"

Heard (Of) But Not Seen

Being a (mediocre) musician myself, there's always a few bands that I hear a lot about but may not "experience" for myself, for whatever reason. Usually I just don't want to shell out $12-20 for a CD that might suck. So when someone jogged my memory as to the existence of this singer/band, I had to look it up on YouTube and I am glad that I did. I don't think that I'll check out any more of their stuff, but upon repeat viewings, this video brings a big smile to my face every time. Why, you ask?

1. There's a middle aged Danish guy in kabuki make-up
2. Rampant, ridiculous "devil worship" that's usually reserved for the Trapper-Keeper of an angsty, metal-head 14-year-old
3. Vocals that go from falsetto to cookie monster faster'n you can blink
4. Dueling guitar leads
5. Best of all...HE'S SINGING ABOUT HIS F&!%$#*G GRANDMA!

King Crimson (That's the name of our Danish friend, and this band, but he also sings for "Mercyful Fate," I think) - "Welcome Home"

Listen to that first falsetto shriek, and laugh you ass off!

This Could Be Quite Some Debate.

The picture in question from a previous post.

I'm not 100% sure that it's a dog, as James suggested. No not Fran Drescher, the other thing.

What we know:

• a)It has a fur covered body (Just to be clear, I'm only talking about the one on the left, not Fran Drescher) which means that
• b)It is a mammal (Again, I'm only talking about the one on the left, not Fran Drescher)
• c)It's eyes are located on the front of it's head, so it must be a carnivore, omnivore, insectivore, or carrion eater (The one on the left)
• d)The density of its fur suggests that it evolved in either an extremely Northern or Southern climate and/or spends a lot of time in water (I'm talking about the creature on the left of the picture)
• e)If tame, is only slightly so as it appears uncomfortable in whatever article of clothing is wrapped around it (In the white "shirt," on the left. Not the one on the right).
• f)May not be of this earth, or at least "real" (The one with the light brown fur)

Could It Be True?

Could Metallica rule again? This video may be evidence:

"All Nightmare Long"

Here's why

1. A concept video...Featuring Zombies, which...
2. Spares us from looking at a bunch of balding, snarling middle-aged guys with beer guts making the "El Diablo" hand sign at every possible opportunity
3. An album track that's been stretched out to 8+ minutes of prog-metal goodness so that the zombie thing can play out
4. You'll never look at a damn steak the same way after watching this
5. Russians!
6. Robots!
   
7. The nod to Ralph Bakshi (whose movies mostly sucked - but they approximate the look of some scenes from "Wizards" which was a pretty killer movie for a teenage geek)
8. There's no way this'll play on MTV (if MTV still plays videos, ever - I wouldn't know) what with all the re-animated headless corpses running around in darkened hallways an all
   

I really haven't heard much of this album - anyone got a verdict. That song that they play on the radio didn't sell me. It sounds kind of like good Metallica until that piece of shit solo kicks in, then I'm over it. So Bryan, James, anyone else heard anything?

Am I going to be sued or murdered by Lars Ulrich for posting something that was on YouTube?

What Kind Of Animal Is This?

I mean the one on the left. I think. The one that's not Fran Drescher.

W.T.F.

You know, I can appreciate avante gardeism (I hope that's a real world), counter culture schlock, art-school films, film-school films, what-have-you on their own merits. Much like the majority of the music that Sting has created in the last 20 years (FIELDS OF GOOOOOOOLD!), I think it's crap, and yet I can appreciate it based on its own merits. Then I see link to some shit like this while I'm bored at work and my feelings towards most of the people creating "art" in this world get reaffirmed.

Is that a joke?

My New Musical Heroes

Read The Comments.

Click here. Scan the article (also, maybe go check out the videos recorded when it fell on YouTube, they're pretty awesome), then read the comments. Excellent. Extra points if you know the name of the "documentary" that gets mentioned.

Another Good Tune

The Pogues "Fairytale of New York" - another good Christmas tune that you don't hear much around here (the language and downbeat attitude may have something to do with that). I chose this video because I couldn't bring myself to make anyone look at Shane McGowan's ugly ass for four-and-a-half minutes. Scroll down to see what I mean...

So here it is!

My former boss used to claim that this was the greatest Christmas song of all time. After finally getting to listen to it a few times, I think I would have to agree.

This is Slade - "Merry Christmas Everybody." Shame there's not a complete video of it from there fully regaled 70's glam-rock hey day.

Two Things

Both rather impersonal. Sorry.

This is rather useful information to have:
26

I encourage EVERYONE to take the test, but I think the link might take you to their bullshit dating site first.

Second, I liked this (and it's also why I alternate between fingerstyle and metal/hard rock guitar):

HOW TO PLAY AND SING THE BLUES

1. Most Blues begin with: "Woke up this morning..."

2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues unless you stick
something nasty in the next line like "I got a good woman with the
meanest face in town."

3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it.
Then find something that rhymes, sort of: "Got a good woman with the meanest
face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got
teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound."

4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch. There ain't no way out.

5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues
don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or SUVs. Most Blues transportation is a
Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools
ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues
lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults
sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the
electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or anyplace
in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical
depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still great places
to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues anyplace that don't get rain.

8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the Blues. A woman with male
pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is not the
blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is.

9. You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall. The lighting
is wrong. Go out to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

10. Good places for the Blues:
a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass

Bad places for the Blues:
a. Nordstrom's
b. gallery openings
c. Ivy League colleges
d. golf courses

11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you
happen to be an old ethnic person, and you slept in it.

12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?

Yes, if:
a. you older than dirt
b. you blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can't be satisfied

No, if:
a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man in Memphis lived
d. you have a 401K or trust fund

13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got a
leg up on the blues.

14. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the Blues.
Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
a. cheap wine
b. whiskey or bourbon
c. muddy water
d. nasty black coffee

The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a. Perrier
b. Chardonnay
c. Snapple
d. Slim Fast

15. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues
death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So
are the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken-down cot.
You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while
getting liposuction.

16. Some Blues names for women:
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling

17. Some Blues names for men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie

18. Persons with names like Amber, Jennifer, Tiffany, Debbie, and
Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

19. Make your own Blues name Starter Kit:
a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, etc..)
c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
Examples: Blind Lime Jefferson, Jackleg Lemon Johnson.

20. No matter how tragic your life, if you own a computer you cannot sing the blues