The Only Funny Thing That MAD TV Has Ever Done

Ragin' Rudolph

Connor Sings!

Hmmmmmm...Lame?

I loved this cartoon as a kid. I can admire the talent that went in to making this, and yet...It still has to be one of the single lamest things that I have ever seen.

Wanna Buy Some Slacks?

Who would buy these pants after seeing an add like this? "Buy our slacks, sniff your own butthole." I can't assume that pose outside of a suit, although I suppose you might have reason too(!?). But in a suit? It makes no sense, no damn sense at all.

Eff You, Meth-Heads

I've got a head-cold/sinus infection right now that feels like someone filled my sinus cavities up with Elmer's glue and it's slowly setting up, making some pressure, destroying my manly speaking voice, and causing me to wake up several times over the course of the night so that I can swish water around in my mouth and hope that my tongue hasn't really dried out and fallen off. Remember the good old days when you could walk into a pharmacy and pick up some Nyquil or those little red pills, both of which were chalk-full of pseudoephedrine, and because of that they actually freaking worked? Not so anymore. Now the only thing Nyquil has going for it is that nice slow burn on the way down that does temporarily relieve the suffering but doesn't do the stuff that it used to. All thanks to the toothless wonders in search of a cheap and (apparently) shitty buzz. Great. I wish I could go sit in a hotspring like these guys.
Here's some Buckethead.

Too Much Awesome...

...For one song to contain by itself.

GuyzNite - "Die Hard"

Heard (Of) But Not Seen

Being a (mediocre) musician myself, there's always a few bands that I hear a lot about but may not "experience" for myself, for whatever reason. Usually I just don't want to shell out $12-20 for a CD that might suck. So when someone jogged my memory as to the existence of this singer/band, I had to look it up on YouTube and I am glad that I did. I don't think that I'll check out any more of their stuff, but upon repeat viewings, this video brings a big smile to my face every time. Why, you ask?

1. There's a middle aged Danish guy in kabuki make-up
2. Rampant, ridiculous "devil worship" that's usually reserved for the Trapper-Keeper of an angsty, metal-head 14-year-old
3. Vocals that go from falsetto to cookie monster faster'n you can blink
4. Dueling guitar leads
5. Best of all...HE'S SINGING ABOUT HIS F&!%$#*G GRANDMA!

King Crimson (That's the name of our Danish friend, and this band, but he also sings for "Mercyful Fate," I think) - "Welcome Home"

Listen to that first falsetto shriek, and laugh you ass off!

This Could Be Quite Some Debate.

The picture in question from a previous post.

I'm not 100% sure that it's a dog, as James suggested. No not Fran Drescher, the other thing.

What we know:

• a)It has a fur covered body (Just to be clear, I'm only talking about the one on the left, not Fran Drescher) which means that
• b)It is a mammal (Again, I'm only talking about the one on the left, not Fran Drescher)
• c)It's eyes are located on the front of it's head, so it must be a carnivore, omnivore, insectivore, or carrion eater (The one on the left)
• d)The density of its fur suggests that it evolved in either an extremely Northern or Southern climate and/or spends a lot of time in water (I'm talking about the creature on the left of the picture)
• e)If tame, is only slightly so as it appears uncomfortable in whatever article of clothing is wrapped around it (In the white "shirt," on the left. Not the one on the right).
• f)May not be of this earth, or at least "real" (The one with the light brown fur)

Could It Be True?

Could Metallica rule again? This video may be evidence:

"All Nightmare Long"

Here's why

1. A concept video...Featuring Zombies, which...
2. Spares us from looking at a bunch of balding, snarling middle-aged guys with beer guts making the "El Diablo" hand sign at every possible opportunity
3. An album track that's been stretched out to 8+ minutes of prog-metal goodness so that the zombie thing can play out
4. You'll never look at a damn steak the same way after watching this
5. Russians!
6. Robots!
   
7. The nod to Ralph Bakshi (whose movies mostly sucked - but they approximate the look of some scenes from "Wizards" which was a pretty killer movie for a teenage geek)
8. There's no way this'll play on MTV (if MTV still plays videos, ever - I wouldn't know) what with all the re-animated headless corpses running around in darkened hallways an all
   

I really haven't heard much of this album - anyone got a verdict. That song that they play on the radio didn't sell me. It sounds kind of like good Metallica until that piece of shit solo kicks in, then I'm over it. So Bryan, James, anyone else heard anything?

Am I going to be sued or murdered by Lars Ulrich for posting something that was on YouTube?

What Kind Of Animal Is This?

I mean the one on the left. I think. The one that's not Fran Drescher.

W.T.F.

You know, I can appreciate avante gardeism (I hope that's a real world), counter culture schlock, art-school films, film-school films, what-have-you on their own merits. Much like the majority of the music that Sting has created in the last 20 years (FIELDS OF GOOOOOOOLD!), I think it's crap, and yet I can appreciate it based on its own merits. Then I see link to some shit like this while I'm bored at work and my feelings towards most of the people creating "art" in this world get reaffirmed.

Is that a joke?

My New Musical Heroes

Read The Comments.

Click here. Scan the article (also, maybe go check out the videos recorded when it fell on YouTube, they're pretty awesome), then read the comments. Excellent. Extra points if you know the name of the "documentary" that gets mentioned.

Another Good Tune

The Pogues "Fairytale of New York" - another good Christmas tune that you don't hear much around here (the language and downbeat attitude may have something to do with that). I chose this video because I couldn't bring myself to make anyone look at Shane McGowan's ugly ass for four-and-a-half minutes. Scroll down to see what I mean...

So here it is!

My former boss used to claim that this was the greatest Christmas song of all time. After finally getting to listen to it a few times, I think I would have to agree.

This is Slade - "Merry Christmas Everybody." Shame there's not a complete video of it from there fully regaled 70's glam-rock hey day.

Two Things

Both rather impersonal. Sorry.

This is rather useful information to have:
26

I encourage EVERYONE to take the test, but I think the link might take you to their bullshit dating site first.

Second, I liked this (and it's also why I alternate between fingerstyle and metal/hard rock guitar):

HOW TO PLAY AND SING THE BLUES

1. Most Blues begin with: "Woke up this morning..."

2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues unless you stick
something nasty in the next line like "I got a good woman with the
meanest face in town."

3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it.
Then find something that rhymes, sort of: "Got a good woman with the meanest
face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got
teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound."

4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch. There ain't no way out.

5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues
don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or SUVs. Most Blues transportation is a
Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools
ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues
lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults
sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the
electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or anyplace
in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical
depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still great places
to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues anyplace that don't get rain.

8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the Blues. A woman with male
pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is not the
blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is.

9. You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall. The lighting
is wrong. Go out to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

10. Good places for the Blues:
a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass

Bad places for the Blues:
a. Nordstrom's
b. gallery openings
c. Ivy League colleges
d. golf courses

11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you
happen to be an old ethnic person, and you slept in it.

12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?

Yes, if:
a. you older than dirt
b. you blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can't be satisfied

No, if:
a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man in Memphis lived
d. you have a 401K or trust fund

13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got a
leg up on the blues.

14. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the Blues.
Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
a. cheap wine
b. whiskey or bourbon
c. muddy water
d. nasty black coffee

The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a. Perrier
b. Chardonnay
c. Snapple
d. Slim Fast

15. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues
death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So
are the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken-down cot.
You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while
getting liposuction.

16. Some Blues names for women:
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling

17. Some Blues names for men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie

18. Persons with names like Amber, Jennifer, Tiffany, Debbie, and
Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

19. Make your own Blues name Starter Kit:
a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, etc..)
c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
Examples: Blind Lime Jefferson, Jackleg Lemon Johnson.

20. No matter how tragic your life, if you own a computer you cannot sing the blues

The MacGyver Punch

It's Been Awhile

Unless I'm busy sitting at the sorter, I can't blog, and my schedule was empty for a while. Then, Flickr got blocked at work, so no pictures. Flickr's now unblocked, but I have to be in my office to upload which might not happen for a while, even though I have a decently full schedule again and would be able to blog. Agh.

In the mean time, here's viking Gorbachev fighting off hordes of zombie Stalins in what may be one of the best music. videos I've seen in years. Careful about the last 30 seconds or so - I wouldn't say that it's NSFW but you might feel uncomfortable if one of the resident soccer moms happened to be looking over your shoulder.

This Is Bridge Town

I've forgotten about virtually everything to do with this movie, save this one scene. And what a scene it is.

Pictures As They Are Arranged On Flickr

I'm just going to dump these out here as I just dumped them on there before the end of the month.


This is proof that not cleaning up after yourself can sometimes have beautiful consequences. This is the brush and bucket that I used the last time the sewer line backed up into the basement. Not knowing what to do with it after it had been used to scrub up raw sewage, I put it outside the garage door and promptly forgot about it - until a morning glory grew up the handle. It's even bigger and fuller now than it was in the picture.

C-Man caught his first fish. Then, as it gasped for air, he swore that it was talking. Then a massive thundershower happened and we had to let the fish go while we fled back to the house.

I hope to god that this is some kind of sculpture that I saw in Burlington, otherwise, we've all got an awful lot to be worrying about.

I am a sturgeon. I am prehistoric. I poop out caviar.

This was the biggest damn garter snake I've ever seen. Apparently I was pretty excited about it, too, as this picture sucks.

This guy (or gal) is a soft-shell turtle. No word on whether or not they are as delicious as soft-shell crabs. I think that further research needs to be done.

Aw. They love each other.

I don't know what's going through this gentleman's mind.

This is a burbot, or freshwater ling cod. I also took a video of a giant snapping turtle, but lately my uploading capabilities have been severely restricted.

'At's a noice lookin schoonah.

We had one microburst that was very scary.

I was going to make a joke about losing the crops and bein' roont, but I didn't get the pictures put up soon enough and now the garden has more than rebounded.

The shed took quite a beating, as you can see. I drove home through it, and it was about the scariest damn thing I've ever had happen to me. The sky turned green (which it does before a tornadoe) and there was lighting and heavy rain and even storm surges off the ponds and mudslides down the hills, and I rescued a lady that was huddling in the bushes with her bike (I wouldn't have been huddling in trees next to a metal object in that kind of weather!).

I don't remember exactly what it was that spaceman spiff here was up to...

Some more little woodland friends.

WE took Connor pirate golfing for his birthday. I get the feeling that this dude wasn't the manliest man on the boat!

The worst part about the water traps is haveing to use my cat-like ninja abilities to keep Connor from trying to put the ball in the drink - and down a waterfall and otherwise out of play.

That's right. The pirates in this story weren't very nice to a baker. Right.

This is some device that they would put the pirates in after hanging them, and apparently the pirates were more afraid of this than the hanging. They should have put them in it alive, as judging by where the cross-piece on this thing is, hanging would have been a mercy after five minutes in the crow cage.

Post water balloon fight. Once the balloons were gone, it was time to play in the mud!

Even though he sheds like it's going out of style, he's a pretty handsome dude.

We've got a bunch of construction going on at work, and this little guy was out in the middle of it one morning when I got in - the day after there'd been some blasting. So I told the building director and he called in the DEC to come and rescue it. Any idea as to what kind of bird this is?

I took video of the blasting as well, some of it was pretty awesome to watch. I hope the little friend here makes it though, even though according to laws of nature, he should be toast for leaving the nest too soon.

Here's the garden a couple of weeks back. Since then, it done nothing but rain and even though that's caused all the plants to double and triple in size, nothing's ripening up like it should. We need some hot weather.

I sat on the porch and enjoyed a nice cigar a couple of weeks back, and for some reason I felt very uncomfortable about some aspect of it all, but couldn't put my finger on what it was. Any ideas? Penis.

Boring You With Budapest Pt 3. The Final Chapter

Random Street Art, People Watching, and...Erotic Budapest!
(The erotic part is just shit around town that I thought was funny...pervs, go away now)

Lets end this finally!

Start it out with some graffit-oh. Emo's apparently not just a shitty, lightweight brand of punk-rock that the kids listen to in Hungary, but some kind of social movement. We saw the word "emo" on many - usually black - objects. Shirts, posters, hats, tattoos. Don't know why. Cindy did get a hilarious t-shirt at a street vendor's tent that encourages people to kill themselves.


S'more graffiti. There actually wasn't a ton of graffiti around. All big cities should be decorated with spray paint.


Poseidon and the four furies? Dunno. This was about the first piece of public artwork that Cindy and I saw after our first scary day on subways and trains and buses and things.


The good king was alright, I guess.


But the kelp faces on the base were what I really liked.


Idn't that sweet, piping his sheep to sleep like that.


Eh?


I've brought you a present...And I'm naked. A lot of the buildings had neat statues attached to them, and most of them looked like they meant or symbolized something, but I don't know what it was.


Don't look at me!


If I were to name this one, it would be "Wet T-Shirt Contest at Spring Break, With My Two Homunculi."


This was the only "average" woman statue that we saw, and one of only a few "average" women we saw, period.


I think this guy's a doctor or something.


A Love Doctor! I'll use this as the segue into the next section of pictures...


Here I am contemplating a breast. Not that I have much to contemplate. I like them, and that's pretty much the long and the short of it.


What does this remind you of?


This was another statue that I really liked. But since it has rather prominent juggernauts, and I'm dirty talkin', I'll lump it in with this other stuff.


What do these remind you of?


Parliament. Nothing suggestive here, just a pretty building. I tried to take a picture of it at night when it was all lit up, but, alas, it was the night of one of the previously mentioned banquets and either the camera or the cameraman weren't functioning properly.


The Terror house, which was actually - despite outward appearances - a very somber museum. The house itself had been used as headquarters by both the local flavor of the Nazi Party and the Soviets. At it's worst it was essentially a gulag in downtown Budapest - there was a creepy dungeon/jail in the basement where many people were tortured and executed.


What does this remind you of?


The last night of the conference, prior to the lame dinner that was held, we sat outside in a square, and I had a cigar originating from a certain island nation while we sipped palinka and people watched.


Nice! She steals my jacket, and my stogey...


We also did some pigeon watching, as the pigeons looked a little bit different than what I'm used to.


There was a certain ass-backwards fashion sense that we noticed. Shorts or skirts and calf-length leggings being the most prominent. All these pictures were shot on the sly, so apologies for and graininess or bluriness.


I don't remember why this lady was singled out, maybe Cindy'll leave a comment to remind me...


Leggings and a skirt...So hot right now.


Then we saw mannequins in the window of one of the haute couture shops and it all made sense.


Perfect sense.


An example of the curious "Hungarian Red" hair-dye that we saw a lot of. There were also several women that had bleached white hair that was black at the tips, so they kind of looked like super-villains of one variety or another.


I think the fact that this "Keeper of the Flame" was shot at a distance and is kind of blurry only adds to the mystique.

Finally, here's the only two friendly locals we encountered...


As we strolled to the reception, and I finished my cigar, Cindy stopped to take my picture...


And the two guys in the background ran up and yelled out "Mafioso" for a picture. Of course I checked for my wallet immediately afterward - this was still in a big city and I'm paranoid. But it turned out that they were just out for a laugh.

Headache now.

PS - the things that are red in the captions are links, if anyone needs some more 'splaining about a couple of those terms...