Basball? More Like Basebrawl!

I'll have to ask one of my friends here at work if this is really how Koreans fight...

Apocalypto: My Thoughts

Okay, I'll take a few minutes away from reading some scientific papers and tap this out. Almost two weeks ago, Cindy left me alone for a night (she was returning her mother) and I took that opportunity to watch one of the worst movies of our - or any - time. Mel Gibson's "Apocalypto." Within moments of pressing "play" on the DVD player, I knew that I was beholden to something so momentous that I had no choice but to take copious notes, so I could self indulgently share them on my blog. Because I know how much you all care. So here goes (bonus points if you've seen the movie, or better yet, print these out to read while you watch and can tell me which scene or event was occurring on-screen when I made a certain chicken scratch). BTW - Spoilers...Maybe.

• Alrighty then. This thing seems to be shot in that weird, Hi-Def "National Geographic" handi-cam style. Only as filmed by a retarded person.
• Oh no! Don't kill the tapir! (Most of you should know of my deep love of tapirs)
• Oh no! Don't eat the tapir's gonads! Especially not raw!
• That dude has armor made out of HUMAN JAW BONES! He wins!
• Now that they're all in the city...What in the hell is going on? Most confusing bit - the guy that's just standing there, slightly bent over, arms outstretched. What's that supposed to mean? BTW - were the guys covered in white powder mining soda lime (not lime soda!) or mountains of blow?
• I really have no idea what's going on in this city - but - I just saw a midget being carted around in a pack basket, so I'm cool.
• Oh! Mel Gibson is a sick fuck!
• Repeat! Mel Gibson is a sick fuck! Sorry for the strong language, but oh my goodness! Watch this movie and you'll know why I made the same comment twice in such short order.
• That fat ten-year-old needs to get his ass booted right off the top of that pyramid.
• This guy is THE LUCKIEST SOB EVAR!!!
• Of course that spearhead would come through his teeth. Thanks again, Mel.
• And...We have just hit critical mass for the amount of flabby man-ass that can be displayed in a movie not featuring Ron Jeremy.
• What's the deal with the necklaces?
• Dude. That is the most wrong thing yet. Ew.
• This guy is THE LUCKIEST SOB EVAR!!!
• Don't hurt the jag-yar, assholes!
• I've just paused the movie - as I've had to do about half the time I've written down a comment. Anywho...I hope (predict) that this guys head turns purple. You guess what just happened, and I'll answer the question in the next comment.
• Again with the necklaces! No purple head, open veins instead (hey...Catchy!). But...It is a bad omen! Really!
• Oh...No...He...Di'int!
• I'm going to take a moment aside from things here. Anyone remember the Bob Newhart drinking game? Well, I think that if someone watching this movie were to take a shot whenever gore, a lucky break for the main man, or flabby man-ass appears on screen, then...They would undoubtedly dump an entirely toxic amount of alcohol into their system before the movie is half over. Okay, unpause.
• I think that we just had our "Braveheart" moment! And then...more gore! But lets see how this here thing pans out...
• Ouch. Oooh. Ow. Rocks suck.
• What is the main man swimming through?
• Now that he's all covered in wet mud, will the Predator show up and fail to see him?
• Okay. That was neat.
• Are you kidding me? Spurting like that? You had me stoked until that happened.
• How is it that this cave thing is filling up with water so quickly exactly?
• Actually, I totally want the jaw bone armor guy to win right now. For real.
• I have been in the room when two infants have come into this world. And that was no damn newborn that just fell out of her. But kudos for having the squirt born before the climax (I'm guessing?). I kind of figured she'd be in labor just as the "final fight" starts to happen.
• Pause again - conjecture. The kids are bound to come back/show up, right? I would guess maybe they'll show up in time to come correct on a bad guy or two?
• Luckiest SOB ever. Here's some Spanish.

And...that's it. I'm a fan of horror movies - but all of the gore in this thing seemed so out of place, and was just disturbing as all get out.

I've got two or three funny videos I've been meaning to share, and maybe someday I'll post a few more pictures again. 'Till then, B...Out!

I Can Chop You In Half!

If you do not think that this movie looks like one of the greatest things to come along in our, or any, lifetime, then I will fight you. And that is no lie!

8+ Minutes Of Cool For A Friday Afternoon

He Is Human After All!

There's a bit of language, but this is worth a watch. Keep an eye out for the beer swilling...

Vacation?

Sorry to everyone who e-mailed, called, or left comments over the last several days who got no response or were only able to talk to me for a few minutes (or if I seemed surly at all) I actually got to take a few days off from work and "relax." I also had to ponder all the while whether or not I should attempt to move the family in the next year or so - I have a few potential job offers, none of which are closer to "home", some of which are for significantly more than I'm making now, all of which would be a change of scenery and would probably give the wife more of a shot at putting that college degree of hers to use. None of which I can afford to wait more than another couple of more days to act upon. And of course there's all the trappings that go along with that sort of thing - if you've been in the job market in the last few years, you know exactly what I'm talking about. What's a boy to do?

But that's not why I brought you here.



The vacation - I actually did some vacation stuff. The canoe was out on the water - more than once! Beer was drank. Fish were caught. Food was grilled. Cigars were smoked. No yard-work was done! Okay, that's a lie, I did mow the lawn on Tuesday. And of course I paid the price for taking time off when I returned to work yesterday.

Cindy and I have been doing some hiking as well - Ampersand Mountain is a great, short, tough, scenic, beautiful hike. Peter's previously blogged about it - Cindy and I weren't on the ball enough to remember to pack the camera. The hiking around here brings to mind something I'd been told but didn't really get the gist of before moving out here. The East Coast has its own unique brand of idiot. I won't go into to many details as I don't want to bore anyone, but out West I would invariably run into crowds around hiking areas - yuppie Seattleites, a few active soccer moms with noisy brood in tow, morons with no business being in the woods, etc. We've got some of that around here, especially right now, in the peak of the summer tourist season (seriously, does no one know what "trail etiquette" means anymore?), but the ones that trouble me the most are...The idiots that bring ski poles on a short, easy hike. Are you #$%&ing kidding me? They're also usually the ones wearing the most expensive, single purpose "outdoor" clothing, which only adds to my feelings of superiority over them. A walking stick if you're old or lame? Sure, but ski poles? Can someone explain? I wish I had some pictures of this phenomenon so we could all laugh...

Gogol Bordello!

I don't know how much of this band is real (the accent? really? has Borat made Eastern Europeans fashionable or funny or what?) but I do know that I want to hear more!

Pictures, Finally.

Say what you will about my intelligence, attitude, class, manners, or the fact that I was born a hermaphrodite, but Cindy and I are sure capable of producing some good looking offspring regardless.


A nice smile - this was just today. God bless the internets and the speed with which we can share pictures of our kids, or pictures of unsavory and unspeakable things, with each other!

The boy got to play some rugby last weekend - nice pass, ut I don't know what the grimace is all about...

It's very surreal for me to aknowledge that I'm the biological parent of a three year old. Ethan was already well into walking (running) and talking (back) when I showed up in the picture, so it hasn't been as weird for me to think about. But I used to be able to pick this toe-head up with one hand!

And finally, the best birthday present Connor got was, in my opinion, the pinata - because for once, the trauma was directed at an inanimate object instead of my nether regions.

Will there be more pics to come?

Where Have I Been?

I've been busy. I'll try to get some pictures uploaded in the next day or so, but here's some links to pictures and stuff from the end of the rugby season (I can't download them this year - I'll have to buy prints so I can remember when I'm old why I have so many aches and pains) - this last weekend was the CanAm tournament which is our home tournament (also the largest in North America) and our last gasp for the season - it was a great time, we played well, and I've got some serious muscular/skeletal issues now.

I am a bad, bad, man.

Third place is still better than we've done in 20 years or something.

I can take on like 12 guys. For real.

My buddy Alex on the attack.

Look for the "Dirty Uncle" in the front row - hilarious that someone actually did that!

Why do they always call me "Brendan?"

Action shot!

Watch the high tackles, son...

Again, the "Dirty Uncle" and also a nice "White Wall" haircut. That's Alex again, attemptin a hockey style jersey pull.

Scrum time.

B...Out!

I Demand Satisfaction!

I saw this the other day and wanted to pass it on - beautiful animation, funny, robots, boobies...enjoy!

A gentlemen's duel
Uploaded by nettouch

Edit - Thunder & tarnation! It seems the full video's been pulled from the sight where I saw it - here's the preview from YouTube.

Radical!

Tell me that this isn't the best six minutes of celluloid ever. Go on, tell me. We have:

• 80's fashions
• Obvious stunt doubles
• Actors riding bikes attached to trolleys for the close-ups
• Weird 80's dialogue (listen for the "respect" comment at the beginning)
• Music by The Scorpions
• A premise that in and of itself is nothing short of breathtaking
  

Mastodon As Foodstuffs? (You'll Only Get That If You Love The Metal)

I wouldn't recommend watching this without headphones if you're somewhere that others might here...

I do wish that more people would take this message to heart!

Whippet Good!

That dog can eat whatever she damn well pleases...

I Can Turn Invisible If I Just Try Real Hard!

Noooooooooo!

Don't click this link. I warned you...

More to come!