The Year In Review

This'll probably be my last post of the year - I have next week off, and I don't really plan on going outside of my house (or at least further than the grocery store a block away) for the whole week. I just got an X-Box and about two dozen games (thanks, James) so I'll probably sit on the couch and play video football and one of the StarWars games until my eyes bleed. So here's a list of some of the things that happened to me over the last year.

• I'm thankful that my quick-thinking friend Keith had a bezoar on hand when I drank that poisoned Mountain Dew during our stop in E-burg. I still don't know if the Thai bastard that served it to me had it in for me, or just wanted to poison a random customer. But thanks, Keith, you're knowledge of medieval poison treatments really helped me out of a tight spot.
• I had a little accident at work, but Peter was on hand to give me a good kick in the chest to get my heart going again. I thought you were an immunologist, Pete. I never knew you were such an accomplished cardiologist. Your well placed boot saved my life.
• I couldn't remember where my house was, until Cindy shot me in the ass repeatedly with a BB gun. If it weren't for my lovely wife's well developed marksmanship skills, I'd still be lost in the parking lot at the IGA. Thanks for leading me home, babe! I like to think that those pellets were fired out of the gun by compressed love.
  
• I spent so much time on the internets during a slow day at work that I honest to God forgot how to breathe. It sure was a good thing that I was having a trans-polar e-mail conversation with my buddy Will at the time, and he reminded me how that works.
• I lost all of my money racking up massive gambling debts and couldn't afford food for the kids, but my mom helped me out by sending us some beans and lentils to get us through until spring. I'll never play the horses again, honest, ma.
• The car broke down, but a quick phone call to my dad had that all sorted out. He just reminded me that I needed to take the keys out of my pocket and put them into the ignition to get the engine to turn over. He didn't have to tell me to pull my head out of my ass, either, but he did, and it was pretty good advice.
• I had several great days, and if it weren't for the sudden shots to the pills that the boys are so swift at administering, I would have stayed perfectly content. Thanks for reminding me about what pain is, kids! The constant dull ache in my testes reminds me of my loving family!
  

Yup. And what a year it was. To state the painfully obvious, that was all in jest, I love you all (sorry to be all John Lennon-y).

Anybody up to anything excitin' for Christmas? I'll be playing the aforementioned X-Box, and I think my hunting buddy Jim is going to come by and help Cindy and I eat a huge lamb roast that we've got - if anyone else is in the area on Sunday, stop by, but bring a pie. You ain't got nuthin' on this mutton.

Happy Christmas, everybody.