We're going to pretend that there's some pictures in this post
(edit - dumb pictures I had on my desktop have been added)- just go and click one of the pictures before and you can look through my most current flickring to see what Master C has been up to lately. Other than that, and since I'm getting sick of about 99.9% of any and all discussion and commentary I see other bastards using the internets for, I'm just going to answer the questions James asked me to blog about.
- Who would win in a fight between Superman and Darth Vader.
I'm tempted to say Darth Vader...But I don't really know the extent of Superman's powers in relation to the force. Would Superman, the man of steel, be impervious to getting his shit ruined with a lightsaber? Could his iron throat be Force crushed? I just don't know. Vader could damn sure Force catch anything Clark could pick up and throw at him, and any physical damage Superman could do would just be repaired by the crack team of robot doctors that Vader has at his disposal. I'm going to say "draw" at this point. Maybe future Superman knowledge will allow for a final answer on this one.
-UPDATE!!!-After ~5 minutes of deep thought, I have decided that Vader would definitely win. Kryptonite crystal to make a lightsaber and zwom zwoom zwam...Superman becomes a quadrapelegic.- Why midgets instantly make a movie or show better.
Midgets, what you or I might also know as "the third race," have many abilities, some of which are considered borderline magical even by educated people living in the civilized cultures of today. I believe that the first known use of midgets to improve a story dates back to the caveman days, when some hapless hominid happened to scratch a gazelle onto his cave wall with a stick and some charcoal, and then thought to himself "You know what would really kick ass? If that ungulate was being harrassed by a pack of ill tempered dwarfs." The rest, as they say, is history. And by history, I mean something that I just made up, but probably really happened.
- What the hell are the Wilson brothers thinking?!?
I don't know. They both started out so well - Bottle Rocket, Rushmore, Zoolander, we've all seen them, we all love them. Owen always seemed like that one guy that you totally knew back in college that even though he had a slightly misshapen face was enough of an overconfident smart aleck that he was always a hit with the ladies but not a complete douche to hang out with either. Luke Wilson seemed to have that rare charisma, much like Peter Sellers, of making you want to laugh as soon as he appeared on screen. This good will is almost at an end, and we might have to wait ten years or so for them to take over the top dramatic roles to win it back. We'll see. Unless you were asking me about the people responsible for making Wilson basketballs. Then I have a seperate question "Why the eff do you care?"
- Jim Carrey, you are the not the next Tom Hanks. Deal with it.
Dude. Tom Hanks is not the next Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks used to be the next Tom Hanks. Then Castaway happened, and that was over and done with. Now, the best he can hope for is a kick ass Bosom Buddies reunion show to win back the hearts of America. Jim Carrey should just go back to using his sphincter as a ventriloquist dummy.
- The post-modern, cultural exegesis of Jackass.
I love the zany antics as much as the next guy, but I can honestly say that the Jackass guys have done their part in ruining America. How vocal and out of control were frat meatheads before Jackass? How vocal and over the top did they become after Jackass? So now the noisy, piggish, disgusting behavior isn't simply confined to frat house basements everywhere, as it should be, I've got to see that shit at 7 o'clock on a Thursday night while I'm gassing up my car. Believe that!
If you get this joke, here's another one for you:
Hiesenberg is cruising down the highway in his car when he gets pulled over by the cops. The fuzz walks up to the car and the first thing he says is "Do you know how fast you were going?" to which Hiesenberg replies "No, but I know exactly where I am."
Now that's geek humor.
Envy or pity? You decide.
Bob Goulet, let that woman finish her pottery!
What can possibly be said about this picture?
5 comments:
I agree with basically everything said. (Yes I was talking about Owen and Luke Wilson.)
Envy or pity? PITY!
"What can possibly be said about this picture?" - as described in the answer to point #2, it instantly made your blog better.
Dude, Luke Skywalker pretty much killed Vader, and Superman would defenitely take out Luke Skywalker.
Winner - Superman
Can you imagine being a caveman and stumbling upon a race of midget cavemen? That's probably where soccer started.
I agree with you on the Wilson comment, two worst films I've seen recently were You, Me and Dupree (Owen) and Ididocracy (Luke). They should be forced to act in the next Wes Anderson film just to regain what little respect they have left.
Jim Carey is like the Alex Rodriguez of film, paid waaaaaaaaaay to much for being mediocre.
I get the joke but it's just not funny, sorry. Try again.
Pity.
Did you see the Robert Goulet commercial during the superbowl?
That pic is sensory overload, kind of like the first time I ever saw Knight Rider on TV, except not as cool.
I have to agree with the Superman rationale. While Luke was monologuing about how Jedi don't attack in anger Supes could essentially wreck him with....man, I can't believe we're having this conversation.
But Luke was Vader's son, so the whole time he was fighting him, he was probably thinking "C'mon you scruffy headed little shit, turn to the dark side and spend some time with your old man." He probably felt horrible about hacking his arm off. I bet he was too busy thinking about a Skywalker and Son Galactic Overlord company, sharing that first Sith beer after razing a planet, and getting coordinating father and son Dark Jedi robes to really focus on taking the mop top off of Luke, too. He wouldn't have this problem with Superman, he could just get in their and get it done.
I can totally believe we're having this conversation. In fact, since I wrote this post, I was thinking I might start a "Who/what would win in a fight between ... and ***" topic on my blog.
For cryin' out loud it's been nearly a month!
Allow the great culture sage to get you started again;
Who would win in a fight between Han Solo and Indiana Jones? (And no, they are not the same person.)
Why are farts funny? And for that matter, how come seeing a shot to the pills causes laughter instead of a sense of remorse?
Meat. It's not just a meal, it's a spiritual experience.
The mystical power of the mustache. Case Study: Chuck Norris.
- the only time he's ever gotten his ass kicked was when he was clean shaven. And he was fighting Bruce Lee, which I mean, c'mon. (Game of Death)
You have been fooled by breakfast cereal lobbyists. Or; Why do most breakfast cereal's need to be combined with juice, toast, eggs, and bacon to be considered a part of a "nutritious breakfast". Can't they stand on their own merit?
Isn't the fact that Paris Hilton and Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, etc. are all friends akin to having a Starbucks across the street from a Starbucks? I mean isn't one enough?
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